Exchange (🇭🇰) Should I have stayed or should i have gone?
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
I guess Randy Pausch is right here. In November 2023, I went through a long phase of deciding whether to go on an exchange or stay in the Netherlands. After bothering everybody I know—as I usually do—to help me make a decision, I decided I would apply to study at the National University of Singapore. After not getting in and realizing Tokyo University (my second choice) would be unaffordable for me, I decided to study at the Chinese University of Hong Kong.
I wanted to focus on development and economics to further narrow down my area of expertise, partially because of my general interest in the topic and partially due to the typical liberal arts ‘lack of focus anxiety’. At CUHK, I took all courses related to economics and development. I ended up dropping two of them because I saw it could dramatically lower my GPA. What a nerd move, Filip! Yes, I never thought I would be the kind of person who sacrifices learning for a higher GPA. That was before I realized this ‘learning experience’ might cost me a place in a master’s program I desperately wanted to get into. This master’s program was the reason I went to the Netherlands and made my parents pay my tuition instead of studying in Czechia for free. Being a ‘learner’ is a beautiful thing—that is, until you are a debtor. Once you are a debtor, you are a debtor first, and all your life decisions are majorly influenced by it.
I spent the first two months at CUHK writing applications for master’s programs in the UK that I wanted to attend next year. Two months of sitting in the library contemplating the worth of my existence and doubting my future. When I was finished with the applications I came out of the library and realized I was in a foreign country with no friends and little interest in the place I was in.
Hong Kong is a vibrant place, with its uniqueness glowing at you from every corner. The vast majority of exchange students I met here were having the time of their lives. They took courses like ‘Public Speaking’ or ‘Chinese Culture,’ which had no exams and laughably easy assignments. They traveled throughout Asia in the meantime. Seeing them, I even recommended this experience to a friend from LUC who asked if he should come here next year. I knew the problem wasn’t the place but my very specific situation caused by the difficult courses I was taking and the master’s applications.
After finishing my application, I decided to travel. I wanted to try if I would start enjoying myself the way everyone else did. I went to Taiwan, Thailand, South Korea, Mainland China, and Japan. I studied while traveling to keep progressing on my learning journey. Nothing to do with the grades. I spent more time in Starbucks in those two months than I ever have in my previous life. I realized the lack of cafes in East Asia (Starbucks doesn’t count) was the number one deal breaker in our relationship.
I was grateful for the opportunity to travel through so many countries; however, simultaneously, I couldn't help but feel like I was living someone else's dream semester abroad. I was so deprived of human interaction that I started posting everything I did on Instagram. I began getting reactions from people back home: “Looks like you’re having so much fun! I wiiiish!!” I was just laughing at this point. People will be jealous of you even when you are doing miserably. You posted the most stunning picture of Kyoto on Christmas Eve. Surely, you must be having a great time! They don’t know you’d much rather be spending this day looking at gloomy gray panel buildings with your family in Prague.
Maybe at this point, you are thinking: Why are you acting like you were in a war zone when you freely chose to travel alone? Fair enough; I’m not saying I actually went through something horrible, except for my thoughts of meaninglessness and feelings of loneliness. As Jimmy Carr once said in an interview with Steven Bartlett, “We live in the objectively best time to be on Earth, yet subjectively the worst.” I will be honest: I did see some fascinating things in all these countries and learned a lot. But it doesn’t change the fact that for the most part, I was walking around, listening to podcasts, and mumbling to myself.
The only thing that kept me optimistic was my calculation that it still costs me less than staying in The Hague (I paid 1,000 euros for five months of rent at CUHK) and that I would get good grades because the level of academic pressure at CUHK still isn't comparable to that at LUC. It's okay, Filip. You are here to save money and get good grades.
Well, yes, except no. Eventually, I received grades that resulted in my worst semester GPA-wise. What’s worse, I didn't get any feedback on why I received those grades, even though I was one of the few actually presenting in fluent English and wrote 14 pages for every one of my final exams.
To come back to Randy Pausch "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." Did I learn something? Maybe that sometimes the best you can do is make decisions based on your feelings rather than your calculations. I know that going to CUHK was the optimal option from every angle. It was the cheapest option, providing me with the most ‘learning outcome,’ and it was supposed to give me the best GPA-to-effort ratio. Well, guess what! I didn’t feel excited about the place from the beginning, and that single variable made it a bad decision.
Oscar Wilde famously said that "Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." Everyone says not to be afraid of your mistakes. I agree. At the same time, I am convinced I would rather not have this experience, even at the cost of learning so much from it. Although self-development is important, I learned sometimes the best thing you can do is stay at your house, eat at your favorite restaurant, and laugh with your friends.
